Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Tips a la Slammer

1. Don’t make a police officer’s job any easier: this means take advantage of your constitutional rights!

Have you been drinking/doing anything illegal? No.
Can I search your car? No.
Can I come into your home? No.
Take this PBT/breath test. No.

Let’s face it, if a police officer wants to perform a search of your property or of yourself, they will, but it doesn’t mean it is a legal search. That’s what lawyers are for$

If you are stopped by police while driving and they tell you to submit to a breath test, you will automatically lose your license if you refuse via Secretary of State. So I say this is the only exception to the “just say no” rule. If you refuse, poof goes your license unless you have brilliant reason to appeal that rule, and you will be taken to have a blood draw. I say it is easier to dispute a breath test than a blood draw. However, another attorney in my office argues to go for the blood draw and take the chance your blood will go missing. When making this decision for yourself, I urge you to consider the city you may be dealing with – chances of missing evidence in Detroit… vs. …well, you know.

You are, after all, innocent until proven guilty. I’m pretty sure that is how it is supposed to work anyways…

2. Probation is the judge granting you a favor by not sending you to jail.

The new trend seems to be clients asking me to have the judge send them to jail rather than extended probation. Waking up early every morning for the electronic woman to tell you the color of the day totally interferes with your important schedule. And what if you want to go party with your friends this weekend and that hooker says “blue”? Taking two weeks out of your life is a quality alternative especially because of the overcrowding 5 days equal 1 free policy, right?

3. Depending on what jurisdiction you decided to become a criminal in (innocent until proven guilty?), you may end up testing for drugs and alcohol on a daily basis even if your crime of choice has nothing to do with drugs or alcohol.

Word to the wise: Never, under any circumstances, think you will be okay if you go to court drunk or high (this means having anything in your system or just don't use drugs, people!!). Think this doesn’t happen? ...and drinking a lot of water that morning because you were super thirsty won’t work either.

4. If you end up lucky enough to get a delayed sentence or a case dismissed, make sure your arrest card and fingerprints are destroyed so when you mark “No” for ever having being charged with a crime on your graduate school application, no one else can find out the answer is “Yes”.

One hobby of mine is checking people out on the Michigan State Police criminal history database :)

5. If you are ever in a bar fight and a police officer asks you whether you want to “prosecute”, the answer is “yes”.

If you are in a bar fight, that means you are fighting, that means you are committing assault and or battery or both. If you don’t prosecute, someone will. Get it?

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