The day I got my magic eyes was May 9, 2011. I wore glasses for ten years and then glasses and contacts for another 11 years. According to my mom, the eye doctor discovered I was completely blind at age 6 and I thought glasses would be super cool to have ;) I got my way and got my glasses.
The glasses started to become not so cool in junior high school because they went with my spiral permed hair (with a pound of hair gel per day), black/turquoise/purple braces, Nike jumpsuits (with the elastic bands at the ankles, of course) and last name of “Siemen” way too well.
I desperately wanted contact lenses. It only took me about five visits to the eye doctor “practicing” how to put the contacts in that the assistant just put them in for me and sent me on my merry way. Problem: my contacts were in and they eventually needed to come out. I spent so much time bawling and screaming in the bathroom trying to get the damn plastic films off my eyeballs with no success that we called for help.
Somehow I was convinced to use the “float off” method. I dunked my entire face in a giant bowl of water and attempted to open my eyes wide to allow the contacts to merely float away from my eyeballs. FAIL!
No clue how I ended up getting those suckers out but it happened and during the following years I instructed numerous friends and family members on the application and removal of contact lenses. Those who learn the hard way are the very best teachers.
Contacts were my best friend. One time I got colored lenses, which hurt like hell but looked amazing, and used a different color in each eye. One green eye, one blue eye, awesome huh?
The spring of 2007 I was attacked by the fresh squeezed orange juice in Florida and have had terrible allergies ever since (well, until I got my magic eyes). These allergies involved me wanting to rip my nose and eyes off/out wash them off with some type of very soothing serum and reapply. Long story short, I could not wear contacts during my 4 month long allergy season. My glasses were terrible and made me extremely dizzy because they were soo thick. The prescription was so strong I could only look straight ahead in them, no sideways glances – I’m serious – so driving was a bit difficult. After dealing with the allergies for too long I made the decision to get laser’d. My boyfriend had gotten some type of it done and they screwed it up pretty bad but he still recommended it so what the hay!
Skip forward to the day of the lasering: I’m sitting in the patient waiting area after the lady gives me only one white pill when I know I really need two, and I’m listening to the entire surgery of the asian girl that is getting laser’d before me. They tell her to count down from 30 and voila she is done. That’s not so bad! I can totally count from 30.
I go in and my biggest fear (besides vomiting on the surgeon) was not being able to blink during the lasering. No big deal turns out because they clamp your eyeballs open so tight there is no way in hell you can blink and you are so freaking scared stupid that you don’t want to do anything to compromise eyeballs at this point. The surgeon is constantly applying a moist solution to your eyeballs so you really have no urge to blink which is fabulous.
Don’t read this paragraph if you don’t want to know. First they cut the flap with a little round saw thing and that is fine, no pain and so weird. Then the doctor lifts up the flap he just cut so you can stare at the red dot in the middle of the laser. You count from whatever number they tell you to count from and don’t expect it to be 30 like I did. I was all good with 30 and then they told me my lucky number was 75. 75!!!!!!? After 75, the lasering is done and on to the next eyeball. People warned me that there would be a weird smell in the air during the lasering but I didn’t breathe once during the procedure so I smelled nothing. Solved that!
So 75 is a pretty long time to count. I was comfortable with 30. Apparently when you have a prescription that is -12.00, 75 is your number. Yeah people, I could not see a damn thing. All you people who told me, oh my vision is really bad too and you have a -2.75 prescription, lucky you and you CAN see. I saw shadows and distorted shapes before my magic eyes.
I was sat up and told to look at the clock and tell them the time. I could see it! Holy hell, I still cannot believe it. I still cannot believe every day when I wake up I don’t have to put something on or in my eye to see, it is wonderful. I would highly recommend getting magic eyes to anyone. If I can do it, you can do it. I was shaking so badly while laying on the surgery table bed that they gave me a pillow to grip and the doctor scolded the lady for not giving me two white pills (knew it). After I saw that clock, I cried. I had to abruptly stop crying though because the doctor said I could mess up my magic eyes. They warned my boyfriend ahead of time that I was a basketcase and he took me home, I slept for the afternoon, kept my eyes shut as much as possible and drove myself to work the next morning! Ta-da!
Really the worst part of the whole thing was not being able to wear makeup for like 2 weeks after the procedure! However, I have fully recovered from that trauma.
